The No Dice Unrolled editorial team is pleased to present the review of the Ortomio – Vege Tales of War manual, a role-playing game based on the war between…well, vegetables.
The creation of this salad of ideas is due to the minds of Moreno “Mopollas” Pollastri and Elena “Elechan” Mattavelli.

Thanks to Herne Fun Hunters for providing us with a copy of their vegetable catalog… er, their roleplaying game. You can buy it here for 15 euros.
You can follow them on their Instagram channel and find their games here.

Ortomio Aesthetics Review

The Ortomio – Vege Tales of War reaches 60 pages.
The layout of one column is accompanied by a very readable font and a series of small highlighted boxes that contain the most important parts of the paragraph without weighing down the reading.

Graphic elements and original illustrations decorate the entire manual, thanks to the work of Gabriele “Mazzarrt” Mazzarella, Umberto Spaticchia and Elena Mattavelli.
Each drawing contributes to giving an idea of ​​the absurdity of this vegetable war. We find references to the most disparate cinematographic culture, from the most classic war films such as Platoon or Rambo, to works such as Kill Bill or Leon. They are illustrations that perfectly convey the lightness of the theme of the manual, and at the same time reveal themselves to be quality cinematographic quotes.

The Game Lore

This Ortomio manual drags us into a hidden and secret war that has always taken place between the shelves of the Greengrocer. The reasons for this conflict that pits the fruits of the Fruit of Doom against the vegetables of the Soldiers of Greenery have been forgotten and, when they are not, are quite confused. The two factions fight each other in the cruellest way possible. There is no mercy, asked or given, in order to reach the ecstasy of the Feel and avoid the shame of the Rot.

Players will play as vegetables, of various kinds and types, engaged in any phase of this eternal war. They will have the (highly recommended) opportunity to do anything to win. Using their imagination to extract the dripping pulp from the bodies of their enemies in the most effective ways is a must.

Review of Ortomio: The Character Creation

Players must choose the faction to play (at least for the first few sessions) between Fruit of Doom or the Soldiers of Greenery. Then you can drive the Ortolan (as the Narrator is called here) crazy with nice smoothies of everything you can think of.

Once the faction has been chosen, the characters can finally choose which vegetables will be their characters.
The manual presents six fruits and six vegetables, but nothing prevents a player from proposing other possibilities to the Greengrocer, who will have the final say.
They range from exotic and hard coconuts to plaintive onions, up to explosive chilli peppers and many others.
Each vegetable starts with a Unique Ability linked to the type of vegetable chosen and other Maturing Abilities.
The Abilities can be Attack (in order to damage opponents), Passive or vary the use of Seeds during Trials and Battles (which we will address later in this review of Ortomio).
In short, there is something for everyone.

Latest Seasonings of Your Own Vegetable

Players can imagine their character as they like, as equipment and tools will not provide mechanical advantages. They will only be a scenic element so make sure to be spectacular!

At the end of each Mission, it is possible to Mature your character. This happens through the Tests passed and the more difficult these are, the more you can advance. This element leads players to put their characters into play more, making the narrative more frenetic.
At each Maturation, it is possible to obtain 2 additional Seeds or obtain a Maturable Ability.

Furthermore, at each Maturation, it is also possible to acquire a Parasite. This is a special equipment that grants additional abilities at the cost of a Rottenness, in addition to making the character repulsive to the sight. Here too the possibilities are wasted, from earwigs that grant an additional attack, to worms that internally recommend the vegetable. In short, a parasite is forever.

As an optional rule, there is also the possibility of becoming a GMO. You will not be able to have parasites but at each level of Maturation, you will get 3 additional Seeds.

How to Play

In Ortomio there are no dice but we play with Seeds, given to each character at creation, my little forgetful vegetables.

When the characters have to face a Challenge, the players bet on the Test. These range from a difficulty of 0 (for which no bet is necessary) to 10, an almost impossible test. It is called “Bet” because the narrator communicates the difficulty only after the Seeds have been bet.
If the bet is passed, the Seeds bet is discarded until the next Break. If the Test is failed, half of the seeds played are recovered. You can still Force the Test by adding the required Seeds, but these will be worth half the normal value.

The Clashes with opposing vegetables occur in the same way as the Trials, but in this case, the enemy will have a variable number of seeds decided by the Greengrocer through a random table.
Whoever has bet the least seeds will suffer a Dent. With five Dents, the vegetable will suffer a Rotten and will be KO for that clash. With five Rottens it will be Thrown Away and will be eliminated by the Greengrocer.
The players will always have to discard the seeds bet but in case of defeat, half will be returned which the players will divide among themselves as they wish.

Moreover the Clash can also take place between the playing characters and follows the same rules as the generic Clash, but in the event of a tie, both will suffer a Dent.

The Break is a time of pause in which the characters can catch their breath. They will recover all the seeds up to their maximum and can remove a Dent from the board. Remember, however, that the war continues and there is no room for slackers.

Appendix

At the end of the manual, there are some tips for the Greengrocer in order to keep alive the absurd and fun theme of Ortomio and some random “tables”.
These last ones concern the possible Missions, ten for each faction, and twelve pre-made characters for a quick game. These elements are excellent for throwing yourself straight into the adventure!

Finally, of course, the character sheet: is simple and easy to consult.

Final Thoughts of This Ortomio Review

As you can understand from this review, Ortomio is fun, absurd and grotesque, and that’s exactly what it wanted to be. And it succeeds without any problem.
The game’s lore, although barely sketched, opens up to any kind of narrative that doesn’t require complex mechanics.
The rules are in fact easy to apply and push players to put their characters into play in the most imaginative ways possible, ensuring fun for the whole group.

Ortomio is, therefore, suitable for an evening with friends where you are looking for a fun game, as well as for a series of games with more complex and articulated stories in which you explore the horrors of the Vegetable Conflict.

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